So a new year.. yadda yadda. I don't to resolutions. They do nothing more that set us up to fail.
You say you NEED to do something.. so when you don't do it you feel guilty.. and the guilt only serves to let us further sabatoge ourselves. So rather than saying "I Need To Lose Weight" say "I Want To Lose Weight", a true desire, versus something you are doing because you feel you NEED to- is again.. a path to guilt.
That being said.. life goes on. Things that piss me off, things that make me think, things that truly make me wonder what the fuck is up with our society. It seems that every day I see multiple instances of people who are so self centered that they have either lost, or forgotten to use the ability to see anything outside of their own little worlds.
It's a double edged sword. Despite my own desire to NOT BE one of these self centered asshats, my ranting about them only serves to lead me down the same path. The asshole cutting me off in traffic should, I expect, elicit some modicum of pity for them being so self centered, but all it does is make me yell at them. Is that feeding MY desire for my own little universe not to be disrupted?
Aye, a Craptacular Cycle indeed.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Can It Be? No it can't. Really? Well, maybe.
I'm sliding again. To the realm of not posting as much as I want to. The title of this post is me having a conversation with myself. Something I used to think was tremendously asinine, but I have since changed my view since sometimes the conversations I have with myself are the ONLY coherent ones going on at the moment.
It's that time of year. My birthday. I've long held that age is merely a number. As you've all ready before I may be growing older but I refuse to grow up. A more recently defined mantra for me is that only you have control of what you make of your life. If you're stuck in a boring, routine rut- if you've given in to the societal push that says if you aren't (insert any one or all of the following: married, a homeowner, a parent, involved in your church or civic groups yadda yadda) by a certain age you aren't 'grown up'- and you hate it.. it's YOUR FAULT and up to you to make some change.
I suppose a more direct, less politically correct (acceptable) and a more vulgar condensed version of this is: FUCK THE STATUS QUO.
Still fall becomes a time of introspection for me. This year I marvel at the fact that at my age, my dearly departed mother had two grown children, and one grandchild. My path being quite different, no kids involved (unless you count me, my husband and our two cats as we're stuck in teen mode most times). Someone said to me awhile back (in a classic 'Bingo' for the childfree)- so who will take care of you when you get old? I just blinked at them, and laughed it off as I knew it wasn't meant to be accusatory or offensive.
I guess I like to think much as I like to live.. in a dream world.. figuring (but not betting money) that perhaps (in a perfect world) all the money I've paid in taxes over the years to help support schools and other child oriented programs will come to bear in helping me and my hubby afford assisted living.
Yeah, it's a laugh riot isn't it? So, instead I just take thoughts like that like I do most other things that aren't worth borrowing trouble over.. I just shake my head and move on to the next topic on the Lazy Susan of my mind.
Wine, Cheese, Trees.. things that get better, bigger and more impressive with age? Bah. I don't give a rats ass about being impressive. I just want to be happy, healthy and know that the people I share my life with are near because they care, and for no other (material) reason.
To borrow from my muse The Bloggess (http:www.thebloggess.com): The Best Kind of Fucked Up.. that's what I want to be! Happy Unbirthday everyone!
It's that time of year. My birthday. I've long held that age is merely a number. As you've all ready before I may be growing older but I refuse to grow up. A more recently defined mantra for me is that only you have control of what you make of your life. If you're stuck in a boring, routine rut- if you've given in to the societal push that says if you aren't (insert any one or all of the following: married, a homeowner, a parent, involved in your church or civic groups yadda yadda) by a certain age you aren't 'grown up'- and you hate it.. it's YOUR FAULT and up to you to make some change.
I suppose a more direct, less politically correct (acceptable) and a more vulgar condensed version of this is: FUCK THE STATUS QUO.
Still fall becomes a time of introspection for me. This year I marvel at the fact that at my age, my dearly departed mother had two grown children, and one grandchild. My path being quite different, no kids involved (unless you count me, my husband and our two cats as we're stuck in teen mode most times). Someone said to me awhile back (in a classic 'Bingo' for the childfree)- so who will take care of you when you get old? I just blinked at them, and laughed it off as I knew it wasn't meant to be accusatory or offensive.
I guess I like to think much as I like to live.. in a dream world.. figuring (but not betting money) that perhaps (in a perfect world) all the money I've paid in taxes over the years to help support schools and other child oriented programs will come to bear in helping me and my hubby afford assisted living.
Yeah, it's a laugh riot isn't it? So, instead I just take thoughts like that like I do most other things that aren't worth borrowing trouble over.. I just shake my head and move on to the next topic on the Lazy Susan of my mind.
Wine, Cheese, Trees.. things that get better, bigger and more impressive with age? Bah. I don't give a rats ass about being impressive. I just want to be happy, healthy and know that the people I share my life with are near because they care, and for no other (material) reason.
To borrow from my muse The Bloggess (http:www.thebloggess.com): The Best Kind of Fucked Up.. that's what I want to be! Happy Unbirthday everyone!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Crapfest 2011
This entry finds our heroine nearing the end of "Crapfest 2011". What was likely (and OMG HOPEFULLY) the most hellish "week from hell' that the year has had to offer.
Well, maybe not to some.. in truth.. a really hellish week would likely contain fire, brimstone and assorted blood letting mayhem. Scratch the first two, and since the 'blood letting' involved was in a relevant biological not entirely unexpected way even that is a weak premise.
I assure you though.. from my own personal standpoint it was crappy. Any week that starts with a funeral and all the family mayhem that a funeral bring with it.. automatically earns the title 'crappy'. Even in the best of families, the happiest of "June Cleaver home cleaning house and baking cookies in her perfectly ironed dress wearing heels and crisp crinoline petticoats (wait did they wear crinolines then.. holy hell and I spelling that right even?) with nary a run in her hose a stain on her skirt of a hair out of place" families.. funerals bring their own bag on angst.
Pass said bag of angst to a dysfunctional family (That in no way puts the FUN in dysfunctional) and it's like a trap door to the third ring of hell opens up and no one is spared from having to pass through and take in a lungful of brimstone.
Obviously, unless my soul is bound to the earth and able to type, I am still here. Can I claim a survival victory? Still.. Monday was surreal. Tuesday appeared to be status quo.. until late in the afternoon when my body started sending signals that the fun wasn't over yet. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday found me staying home as my body put me through the wringer with what we know now are THREE culprits at work. Any one of these insidious icks could take a person out for a day.. all three.. my doctor said 'could knock ANYONE for a loop'.
I could say I have felt like a zombie.. but I don't think that's correct. Zombies, being what they are, are deliciously denied the ability to rationalize about how their body is being tortured once they are reanimated. Not so here boys and girls- and since my brain is a rewired whirling dervish (see previous entries on ADD) it is not a surprise that I would find myself awake in the dead of night racking up psychosomatic tomes of what could possibly be going on .
This morning I knew I'd had enough. Things are NOT resolving as they should and I am fed up with sitting at home, seriously when I'd rather be at work, that's a sure sign that I'm miserable.
My friendly neighborhood professional heard the tale of my woes and after consulting my records and doing the usual checks told me what HE thought was up and after some discussion we agreed.
Sadly the virus, infection and biological function are all things I simply have to ride out. Though he did prescribe some items for the sake of comfort so that maybe I can at least sleep when I'm in bed instead of doing my impression of a hot dog that's been on the rollers at the convenience store too long. rolling over, and over and over.. and not being improved by it.
He also penned a note so that the powers that be at my place of employment will know that I was NOT in Cabo sipping Corona (with lemon) on the beach while being massaged by a well muscled cabana boy.
I know I've said over and over that normal is boring.. but after this week I am SURELY ready for some sense of what is normal for me. Let's see if I can navigate the weekend without having more crap flung at my fan..
Well, maybe not to some.. in truth.. a really hellish week would likely contain fire, brimstone and assorted blood letting mayhem. Scratch the first two, and since the 'blood letting' involved was in a relevant biological not entirely unexpected way even that is a weak premise.
I assure you though.. from my own personal standpoint it was crappy. Any week that starts with a funeral and all the family mayhem that a funeral bring with it.. automatically earns the title 'crappy'. Even in the best of families, the happiest of "June Cleaver home cleaning house and baking cookies in her perfectly ironed dress wearing heels and crisp crinoline petticoats (wait did they wear crinolines then.. holy hell and I spelling that right even?) with nary a run in her hose a stain on her skirt of a hair out of place" families.. funerals bring their own bag on angst.
Pass said bag of angst to a dysfunctional family (That in no way puts the FUN in dysfunctional) and it's like a trap door to the third ring of hell opens up and no one is spared from having to pass through and take in a lungful of brimstone.
Obviously, unless my soul is bound to the earth and able to type, I am still here. Can I claim a survival victory? Still.. Monday was surreal. Tuesday appeared to be status quo.. until late in the afternoon when my body started sending signals that the fun wasn't over yet. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday found me staying home as my body put me through the wringer with what we know now are THREE culprits at work. Any one of these insidious icks could take a person out for a day.. all three.. my doctor said 'could knock ANYONE for a loop'.
I could say I have felt like a zombie.. but I don't think that's correct. Zombies, being what they are, are deliciously denied the ability to rationalize about how their body is being tortured once they are reanimated. Not so here boys and girls- and since my brain is a rewired whirling dervish (see previous entries on ADD) it is not a surprise that I would find myself awake in the dead of night racking up psychosomatic tomes of what could possibly be going on .
This morning I knew I'd had enough. Things are NOT resolving as they should and I am fed up with sitting at home, seriously when I'd rather be at work, that's a sure sign that I'm miserable.
My friendly neighborhood professional heard the tale of my woes and after consulting my records and doing the usual checks told me what HE thought was up and after some discussion we agreed.
Sadly the virus, infection and biological function are all things I simply have to ride out. Though he did prescribe some items for the sake of comfort so that maybe I can at least sleep when I'm in bed instead of doing my impression of a hot dog that's been on the rollers at the convenience store too long. rolling over, and over and over.. and not being improved by it.
He also penned a note so that the powers that be at my place of employment will know that I was NOT in Cabo sipping Corona (with lemon) on the beach while being massaged by a well muscled cabana boy.
I know I've said over and over that normal is boring.. but after this week I am SURELY ready for some sense of what is normal for me. Let's see if I can navigate the weekend without having more crap flung at my fan..
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The Touch, The Feel.. of RANDOM CRAP
Which really IS the fabric of our lives sometimes right? When you've slid down the slitted sheet and down the slitted sheet you've slid, sometimes you just feel like you are being orbited by spheres of crap. Crap in itself isn't bad. It can in fact be VERY benign. It's all in how you look at it, and how high you can stack it!
Random Crap Bubble Number 1 (for today) Deals with Social Media.
As an admitted junkie of many adjuncts for 'social media' (hereafter referred to as SM) I am privy to various habits of "Net Denizens" on a regular basis. From the truly clueless, who don't realize that typing in caps is considered shouting, and that posting the same thing over and over and over again is a faux pas punishable by banning- to those who have figured out the ins and outs, but still haven't figured out how to filter their textual diarrhea so as not to offend people.
Some people, particularly those 'older folk' (45 in October) like myself who are relatively new (I'm no NOOB!)to the Internet, simply think that because they don't have to look people in the eye when they say things they can simply type out whatever is in the front of their brains, post it, and go on their merry way. Seriously. I don't know how many times I've explained in online venues that one must truly consider the words they have written before posting to a public venue- because text can MURDER even the kindest of intended sentiments or questions.
Words taken in with no tone of voice, facial expression or gesture can and often do take on a completely different tone. Someone hones in on that and you have a full scale textual war going on, until someone steps in (such as your friendly neighborhood moderator or administrator) and sets things straight.
Childish? You bet your computer chair shaped ass! But it happens.
Some people are simply trolls. They run around LOOKING to stir up trouble. Others simply lack the fundamental filters in their brains to learn from previous missteps and move forward more cautiously. They simply continue to cause horrendous cases of butt-hurt and move along as if nothing is at all wrong.
The only good thing I can say about this is that it keeps things lively and proves without a double that all human beings are NOT the same. Variety is the spice of life?? Yeah.
Random Crap Bubble Number 2- is about relationships and communication.
Do you ever get that feeling that your partner/spouse/lover/BFF is upset about something but you can't get them to spill it? If you're like me and in a relationship where your 'other half' is almost your double in how they deal with things, it's a constant struggle.
Having been diagnosed with ADD last year (yes, at age 43 I started taking Ritalin, and son of a biscuit it has been GREAT!) I have learned that I have to proceed a bit differently when dealing with my relationship, because at times, the unique rewiring of my brain blows things out of proportion. But today, oh today my long suffering readers, I am 2 shakes from coming unhinged. Yeah sharing this with you is about as random as it gets, but maybe I can re-ingest the words I've written and work out a solution.
Moral of the Craptacular Ramble: If Your UPSET with me.. for the sake of all that is holy and deep fried to perfection.. TELL ME ABOUT IT. Don't stew and expect me to read your mind, not if you want the issue fixed that is! And if you're really NOT upset with me.. tell me what you ARE upset about.. maybe I can help.
Damn, I hate spending my weekend walking on eggshells.
Random Crap Bubble #3- Words: Homiegnome, Douchetard, Crunchy butt nugget, and Butt burglar.
That is all.
Random Crap Bubble Number 1 (for today) Deals with Social Media.
As an admitted junkie of many adjuncts for 'social media' (hereafter referred to as SM) I am privy to various habits of "Net Denizens" on a regular basis. From the truly clueless, who don't realize that typing in caps is considered shouting, and that posting the same thing over and over and over again is a faux pas punishable by banning- to those who have figured out the ins and outs, but still haven't figured out how to filter their textual diarrhea so as not to offend people.
Some people, particularly those 'older folk' (45 in October) like myself who are relatively new (I'm no NOOB!)to the Internet, simply think that because they don't have to look people in the eye when they say things they can simply type out whatever is in the front of their brains, post it, and go on their merry way. Seriously. I don't know how many times I've explained in online venues that one must truly consider the words they have written before posting to a public venue- because text can MURDER even the kindest of intended sentiments or questions.
Words taken in with no tone of voice, facial expression or gesture can and often do take on a completely different tone. Someone hones in on that and you have a full scale textual war going on, until someone steps in (such as your friendly neighborhood moderator or administrator) and sets things straight.
Childish? You bet your computer chair shaped ass! But it happens.
Some people are simply trolls. They run around LOOKING to stir up trouble. Others simply lack the fundamental filters in their brains to learn from previous missteps and move forward more cautiously. They simply continue to cause horrendous cases of butt-hurt and move along as if nothing is at all wrong.
The only good thing I can say about this is that it keeps things lively and proves without a double that all human beings are NOT the same. Variety is the spice of life?? Yeah.
Random Crap Bubble Number 2- is about relationships and communication.
Do you ever get that feeling that your partner/spouse/lover/BFF is upset about something but you can't get them to spill it? If you're like me and in a relationship where your 'other half' is almost your double in how they deal with things, it's a constant struggle.
Having been diagnosed with ADD last year (yes, at age 43 I started taking Ritalin, and son of a biscuit it has been GREAT!) I have learned that I have to proceed a bit differently when dealing with my relationship, because at times, the unique rewiring of my brain blows things out of proportion. But today, oh today my long suffering readers, I am 2 shakes from coming unhinged. Yeah sharing this with you is about as random as it gets, but maybe I can re-ingest the words I've written and work out a solution.
Moral of the Craptacular Ramble: If Your UPSET with me.. for the sake of all that is holy and deep fried to perfection.. TELL ME ABOUT IT. Don't stew and expect me to read your mind, not if you want the issue fixed that is! And if you're really NOT upset with me.. tell me what you ARE upset about.. maybe I can help.
Damn, I hate spending my weekend walking on eggshells.
Random Crap Bubble #3- Words: Homiegnome, Douchetard, Crunchy butt nugget, and Butt burglar.
That is all.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Obsessively Oblivious
The random tangent of the moment asks an absurd question: Do now or have you ever known someone who (for all intents and purposes) seems to be obsessively oblivious?
Breakdown: We all have moments of relatively clueless. I'm pretty sure it's a homo sapien thing because, well, we're NOT computers. Our organic brains do not (as a rule) categorize and file every bit of information and recall it in a nanosecond. I'm talking about people who seem relatively normal except for one (or maybe even a few) seemingly glaring gaps in their ability to interact with society.
A Hypothetical Case In Point: The person who helps themseves to the last cup of coffee in a shared pot, repeatedly leaving a few milliliters in the bottom of the pot, but never seeming to get it that the appropriate reaction to that is to make more coffee. For this instance we shall assume that the individual has been kindly and repeatedly asked to remedy the empty pot.. heck they've even been shown by some kindhearted (and possible caffeine free) patient people just HOW to do so. Yet they do not.
Oblivious, Lazy or just a Jerk? I don't know.
Is it that I simply have a different way viewing things? I had a lady look me square in the eye as we arrived at the same time at the ONE open checkout lane in the grocery store. SHE had a loaded cart, I was carrying ONE item. Yet she hustled her way in front of me.
Had our positions been reversed, I would have stopped, smiled slightly, gestured for her to go ahead and said "You go ahead, since you only have one item".
Am I too nice? Was she a bitch? Or was she just so mired in her own little universe that she was oblivious to an opportunity to garner some cosmic Karma?
A friend and I were chatting about such things just last week. We decided we have simply been born in the wrong era. Unfortunately the cost of hopping a time machine and going back a few centuries is seriously uncomfortable clothing, a loss of any measurable rights for women, and of course NO INTERNET ACCESS.
Until next time.. I ask.. take a moment. Stop. Look. Listen in public situations. Can you make someones' day brighter by doing something simple and kind? There may be more free floating Karma in your reach than you think!
Breakdown: We all have moments of relatively clueless. I'm pretty sure it's a homo sapien thing because, well, we're NOT computers. Our organic brains do not (as a rule) categorize and file every bit of information and recall it in a nanosecond. I'm talking about people who seem relatively normal except for one (or maybe even a few) seemingly glaring gaps in their ability to interact with society.
A Hypothetical Case In Point: The person who helps themseves to the last cup of coffee in a shared pot, repeatedly leaving a few milliliters in the bottom of the pot, but never seeming to get it that the appropriate reaction to that is to make more coffee. For this instance we shall assume that the individual has been kindly and repeatedly asked to remedy the empty pot.. heck they've even been shown by some kindhearted (and possible caffeine free) patient people just HOW to do so. Yet they do not.
Oblivious, Lazy or just a Jerk? I don't know.
Is it that I simply have a different way viewing things? I had a lady look me square in the eye as we arrived at the same time at the ONE open checkout lane in the grocery store. SHE had a loaded cart, I was carrying ONE item. Yet she hustled her way in front of me.
Had our positions been reversed, I would have stopped, smiled slightly, gestured for her to go ahead and said "You go ahead, since you only have one item".
Am I too nice? Was she a bitch? Or was she just so mired in her own little universe that she was oblivious to an opportunity to garner some cosmic Karma?
A friend and I were chatting about such things just last week. We decided we have simply been born in the wrong era. Unfortunately the cost of hopping a time machine and going back a few centuries is seriously uncomfortable clothing, a loss of any measurable rights for women, and of course NO INTERNET ACCESS.
Until next time.. I ask.. take a moment. Stop. Look. Listen in public situations. Can you make someones' day brighter by doing something simple and kind? There may be more free floating Karma in your reach than you think!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
It's true. Sometimes you just have to write about silly shit and metal chickens!
I really must start by saying thanks to my net gal pals Krysti and Laura for turning me on to http://www.thebloggess.com . Jenny writes one mo-fo of a fun one and it helps me to realize that I'm not as fooked up as I seem to be, since there are OTHERS who seem to feel the same way!
In an odd kind of inside out burrito way, I must also lay curses upon the houses of whichever evil online acquaintances of mine turned me on to Pinterest- which seems to be the latest rage in Internet Spawned Crack Habits. (http://www.pinterest.com)
Truly I have the patience of a gnat and it doesn't take much to entice me into a crack habit that just requires a bit of clicky, caption, clicky to allow people into my head. But what the hell, you only live once and if you don't step out and wiggle your naked hiney (figuratively speaking that is) you can miss out on some fun shit.
Fatter of mactly I was just discussing that with some friends earlier today. I told someone, in absolute truth, that I am a recovering doormat and they didn't believe I could ever have been someone cowed into saying yes all the time and letting people walk on me.. but it's true. They wanted to know how did I stop? I haven't stopped 100% and I may never be 'cured'. That's okay because dammit it makes me who I am to have dealt with it, and the fact that I came out the other side.. well most of the way.. appearing as a confident outgoing person who doesn't take any crap .. is a blessing.
All the talk about 'cures' in this day and age just gags me. You know some things don't need to be 'cured'.. just managed. I'll talk about that more in another post.
Today it's about silly shit and metal chickens.
My mom was a chicken collector.. not live chickens mind you, that would be odd (and stinky!) but chicken decor.. for her kitchen. I can't see anything with a chicken on it and NOT think of her (she passed away in 2004). So when I was delving into Jennys' posts in her blog and came across the post about Beyonce, I about fell out of my chair. Not only is Beyonce a chicken, but the way Jenny acquired her, and how she uses the plucky metallic fowl is right from my own playbook!
And SILLY.. well part of that I attribute to one of my managed mental accessories that some scream should be "CURED". My brain is just hardwired a little differently. Besides being pretty much the poster child for optimism, I often view things through a skewed lens (or is that cracked?) that allows for strange but amusing observations. Put the two together and the impetus for this post is defined.
I'm rambling as I often do, but I'll end by sharing one of my personal mantras. I don't care how old you are, or what life has thrown at you. It IS possible to be happy- and happy is not defined the same way for everyone. It IS possible to get older and live without confining yourself (mentally and emotionally) within the cramped tiny box that some think society dictates. There is no law stating that you must cease to find amusement in simple things, cease to sing with the radio, cease dancing in the rain (and many other things) just because you have reached a certain age or station in life. In short: Life is what you make of it.. if you aren't having a good time it's YOUR OWN DAMN fault. Don't play the blame game: "Oh I can't because of (insert preordained life choice here)". ALSO to fall back on a previous line from one of my posts: STOP GIVING A TINKER'S DAMN about what ANYONE else has to say about you and how you choose to live. Most of those people are just jealous because they haven't figured out how to loose the societal shackles that bind them! Now.. GO FORTH AND LAUGH at silly shit!
In an odd kind of inside out burrito way, I must also lay curses upon the houses of whichever evil online acquaintances of mine turned me on to Pinterest- which seems to be the latest rage in Internet Spawned Crack Habits. (http://www.pinterest.com)
Truly I have the patience of a gnat and it doesn't take much to entice me into a crack habit that just requires a bit of clicky, caption, clicky to allow people into my head. But what the hell, you only live once and if you don't step out and wiggle your naked hiney (figuratively speaking that is) you can miss out on some fun shit.
Fatter of mactly I was just discussing that with some friends earlier today. I told someone, in absolute truth, that I am a recovering doormat and they didn't believe I could ever have been someone cowed into saying yes all the time and letting people walk on me.. but it's true. They wanted to know how did I stop? I haven't stopped 100% and I may never be 'cured'. That's okay because dammit it makes me who I am to have dealt with it, and the fact that I came out the other side.. well most of the way.. appearing as a confident outgoing person who doesn't take any crap .. is a blessing.
All the talk about 'cures' in this day and age just gags me. You know some things don't need to be 'cured'.. just managed. I'll talk about that more in another post.
Today it's about silly shit and metal chickens.
My mom was a chicken collector.. not live chickens mind you, that would be odd (and stinky!) but chicken decor.. for her kitchen. I can't see anything with a chicken on it and NOT think of her (she passed away in 2004). So when I was delving into Jennys' posts in her blog and came across the post about Beyonce, I about fell out of my chair. Not only is Beyonce a chicken, but the way Jenny acquired her, and how she uses the plucky metallic fowl is right from my own playbook!
And SILLY.. well part of that I attribute to one of my managed mental accessories that some scream should be "CURED". My brain is just hardwired a little differently. Besides being pretty much the poster child for optimism, I often view things through a skewed lens (or is that cracked?) that allows for strange but amusing observations. Put the two together and the impetus for this post is defined.
I'm rambling as I often do, but I'll end by sharing one of my personal mantras. I don't care how old you are, or what life has thrown at you. It IS possible to be happy- and happy is not defined the same way for everyone. It IS possible to get older and live without confining yourself (mentally and emotionally) within the cramped tiny box that some think society dictates. There is no law stating that you must cease to find amusement in simple things, cease to sing with the radio, cease dancing in the rain (and many other things) just because you have reached a certain age or station in life. In short: Life is what you make of it.. if you aren't having a good time it's YOUR OWN DAMN fault. Don't play the blame game: "Oh I can't because of (insert preordained life choice here)". ALSO to fall back on a previous line from one of my posts: STOP GIVING A TINKER'S DAMN about what ANYONE else has to say about you and how you choose to live. Most of those people are just jealous because they haven't figured out how to loose the societal shackles that bind them! Now.. GO FORTH AND LAUGH at silly shit!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Because crap, piled high enough WILL run downhill.
So the husband started a new job this week. This is good.. for VERY many reasons, but the change does not come without a bit of craptacularness. The good.. in that he has escaped a psycho micromanager and has thusly regained his ability to smile.. it SO good that it makes the craptacular downflow easier to manage. A bit of a pay cut.. but hell, benefits that are like changing from week old instant coffee to freshly ground and brewed Kona. I lost my car privileges.. one running car=he who has the earlier work schedule gets to drive and the other finds alternate transport. But again, I have a bus stop close to the house and I can be at work fifteen minutes before I have to get cracking, so it a win (whimper) win.
Since life never throw you just ONE craptacular instance at a time.. we also got to spend $300 that we don't have.. on tires for said running vehicle. The revelation of this need was a hysteria inducing trigger for the husband.. but not for me. I'm rather a 'glass half full' girl, and my general mantra is that it can ALWAYS be worse.. so we dealt with it.
The end results come out on the plus side. Happier hubby, safer mode of transport- I call it a win with a few whimper inducing moments- which when it comes right down to it, is amazingly more refreshing than a swift kick in the ass.
Huzzah.
Since life never throw you just ONE craptacular instance at a time.. we also got to spend $300 that we don't have.. on tires for said running vehicle. The revelation of this need was a hysteria inducing trigger for the husband.. but not for me. I'm rather a 'glass half full' girl, and my general mantra is that it can ALWAYS be worse.. so we dealt with it.
The end results come out on the plus side. Happier hubby, safer mode of transport- I call it a win with a few whimper inducing moments- which when it comes right down to it, is amazingly more refreshing than a swift kick in the ass.
Huzzah.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Of Paranormal Poopsticks.. or something like that.
So hell yeah, here I am again. I kind of fell off the face of the earth. I really HATE it when real life interferes with my online activities. I keep looking for the 'opt out' button for real life, but some of the penalties are a bit stiff.
Still here. Still following the childfree scene. Hurrah to Malaysian Airlines for making childfree flight possible. Boo to the chumsuckers at Good Morning America for subjecting the public to the "Octomom" recently. Please can we not give this idiot any more publicity?
Still working, loving my job. Celebrating hubby's escape from the 'Dungeon of Doom' job to one with more possibilities for growth, and a chance to see the sun more than once a day! Gearing up now to compose my manifesto to out the boss who made his life hell for the last year or so (after almost 3 years of treating him with respect and decency. why she went psycho we don't know).
A warning to anyone considering going to work for a branch of a company that outsources services, particularly when the corporate offices are on another coast- unless you are sure the person heading the local operation is actually doing their job, don't do it! Seriously, if the people in the 'eastern states corporate headquarters which shall not be named' had any real presence out here they'd KNOW why this location has such a horrendous turnover rate.
Still paddling furiously to keep an even keel financially. Hubby taking a small pay cut, but it is already SUPREMELY worth it to see him so much happier.
Alright, rambling catch up bullshit post about done. Time to come up with some topics and resume my trek toward regular blogging. Got any questions for me? I can expound.
Still here. Still following the childfree scene. Hurrah to Malaysian Airlines for making childfree flight possible. Boo to the chumsuckers at Good Morning America for subjecting the public to the "Octomom" recently. Please can we not give this idiot any more publicity?
Still working, loving my job. Celebrating hubby's escape from the 'Dungeon of Doom' job to one with more possibilities for growth, and a chance to see the sun more than once a day! Gearing up now to compose my manifesto to out the boss who made his life hell for the last year or so (after almost 3 years of treating him with respect and decency. why she went psycho we don't know).
A warning to anyone considering going to work for a branch of a company that outsources services, particularly when the corporate offices are on another coast- unless you are sure the person heading the local operation is actually doing their job, don't do it! Seriously, if the people in the 'eastern states corporate headquarters which shall not be named' had any real presence out here they'd KNOW why this location has such a horrendous turnover rate.
Still paddling furiously to keep an even keel financially. Hubby taking a small pay cut, but it is already SUPREMELY worth it to see him so much happier.
Alright, rambling catch up bullshit post about done. Time to come up with some topics and resume my trek toward regular blogging. Got any questions for me? I can expound.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Double Vision
Time for a trip down one of my cranial pathways. Sit back and relax a bit as I ramble (not rant.. believe me, my rants are not something you want to read- I tend to write them, go away, read them, go away, come back and delete them. Mt Vesuvius is a molten pimple compared to my flash fueled anger and I learned long ago that it's not good to to expose people to that explosive branch of my psyche) about being childfree in the workplace.
A few basic points that have been bandied about ad nauseum:
1. 'Preferential' treatment for parents.
I don't agree that the avenues offered to parents in the workplace are a true perk. In my mind the flexibility they are given is a necessary evil. Kids, like pets, need attention, they need the support of their parents, and they can't be left uncared for, or in the care of others under certain circumstances. The School Nurse shouldn't have to care for a puking kid until the work day ends. A day care provider shouldn't expose other kids in their care to a communicable disease. This concept often wars with my thoughts on how SOME parents make 'babysitters' of things that should not be utilized in that fashion. IE: Libraries, Television, Computers, and endless activities. By all means, if you are going to a movie that your child is too young to attend by themselves, GET A BABYSITTER. If you are going to an event that will last well beyond your child's usual bedtime, GET A BABYSITTER.
However if your child is ill to the point that they are contagious to others, if they are projecting bodily fluid from an orifice - stay home with them! Go get them and take them home if the school or the daycare provider call. If you have another option, a relative or friend who is available and willing to care for them- and you are comfortable with that concept, sure.. stay at work.
Though, like the childfree spectrum, the parental spectrum offers both thoughtful and considerate parents, and those who will use any possible excuse to get away from work, up to exaggerating symptoms.
In my employment history I have experienced a variety of supervisor/manager/boss types. Some who WERE blatantly biased toward parents, and some who were (and are) willing to consider individual needs versus 'do they have kids or not?'.
2. Not EVERYONE in your workplace is willing to worship your children or your pregnancy- nor do they want to be bombarded with anecdotes, photos or refrigerator artwork. Not EVERYONE want to attend baby showers or buy from fundraisers.
I take almost everything my personal sphere if childfreedom in a case by case basis. Hypocritically I am often willing to give a little more slack to people I know and people I interact with on a regular basis. OFTEN but not always. At work I am forced to keep my feelings much closer to my chest- there is nothing at all to be gained by allowing my feelings to be used against me. So while I'll often grumble, you'll never see any grandstanding.
Were I given the chance to dictate, it would be such that your 'parental status' is never a card you can play to get special treatment at work. Or, on the other side... make it so that I can take time of in the name of my pet- for appointments and illness.. just like I would if I had to take a child to the doctor, or take time off while they recover from surgery. In short, let's eliminate the double standard.
A few basic points that have been bandied about ad nauseum:
1. 'Preferential' treatment for parents.
I don't agree that the avenues offered to parents in the workplace are a true perk. In my mind the flexibility they are given is a necessary evil. Kids, like pets, need attention, they need the support of their parents, and they can't be left uncared for, or in the care of others under certain circumstances. The School Nurse shouldn't have to care for a puking kid until the work day ends. A day care provider shouldn't expose other kids in their care to a communicable disease. This concept often wars with my thoughts on how SOME parents make 'babysitters' of things that should not be utilized in that fashion. IE: Libraries, Television, Computers, and endless activities. By all means, if you are going to a movie that your child is too young to attend by themselves, GET A BABYSITTER. If you are going to an event that will last well beyond your child's usual bedtime, GET A BABYSITTER.
However if your child is ill to the point that they are contagious to others, if they are projecting bodily fluid from an orifice - stay home with them! Go get them and take them home if the school or the daycare provider call. If you have another option, a relative or friend who is available and willing to care for them- and you are comfortable with that concept, sure.. stay at work.
Though, like the childfree spectrum, the parental spectrum offers both thoughtful and considerate parents, and those who will use any possible excuse to get away from work, up to exaggerating symptoms.
In my employment history I have experienced a variety of supervisor/manager/boss types. Some who WERE blatantly biased toward parents, and some who were (and are) willing to consider individual needs versus 'do they have kids or not?'.
2. Not EVERYONE in your workplace is willing to worship your children or your pregnancy- nor do they want to be bombarded with anecdotes, photos or refrigerator artwork. Not EVERYONE want to attend baby showers or buy from fundraisers.
I take almost everything my personal sphere if childfreedom in a case by case basis. Hypocritically I am often willing to give a little more slack to people I know and people I interact with on a regular basis. OFTEN but not always. At work I am forced to keep my feelings much closer to my chest- there is nothing at all to be gained by allowing my feelings to be used against me. So while I'll often grumble, you'll never see any grandstanding.
Were I given the chance to dictate, it would be such that your 'parental status' is never a card you can play to get special treatment at work. Or, on the other side... make it so that I can take time of in the name of my pet- for appointments and illness.. just like I would if I had to take a child to the doctor, or take time off while they recover from surgery. In short, let's eliminate the double standard.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
E Tu, Etymology?
Crikey, I don't think the title of this is exactly right- since etymology is the study of the history of words and their usage. I am actually going to work with suffixes. My last ramblings, and subsequent Tweets amongst my tweeps, got me to thinking.
Childfree, or childless? Two words. Well, one word, one mash up of 2 words.
Child.. obvious. Offspring, progeny. We won't go into the terms used by the various factions of the childfree spectrum, but many of you know of which words I speak.
Free- a bit more involved. Dictionary.com lists FORTY NINE different forms of usage for the word free. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/free
In essence.. they are all positive. I have to concede that some of the snark I've read about our choice of terminology now make sense. Have any of you seen the bristling remarks? That defining ourselves as childFREE is an offhand slap in the face aimed at parents. A shadowy implication that they are shackled, burdened, impeded or otherwise enslaved by their choice to reproduce.
Still, I will never accept being referred to as childless. The word less (which now that I think about it is both a word and a suffix) rarely implies anything positive, not to mention liberating.
Sugarless- good for dentists. Fearless- hm, impressive or stupid? I could go on, but why.
As my previous post states, my own definition of childless is clear. People who want, or wanted children- but for whatever reasons cannot have them. This in itself opens the door on another rant that boils down to adoption as a resource in these case- but I won't go there today.
So what else could I call myself? Barren? No not really. I spent years throwing wrenches in the babyworks- finally having them dismantled (yay tubal ligation!). In truth, I mused for years how I would have SO given up my (then) functional parts to someone who wanted to carry and bear their own child. Another door.. fertility, again- discussion tabled .
Since I can't invite every person I encounter into my house to see the things that define me as an overgrown child, I can't allow them access to my mind to relive my experiences babysitting, and dealing with a younger sibling who got away with everything while I was the 'responsible' one. I can't impart the hundreds of other experiences that shape my decision never to bear children or be a parent to any one else's children I am at a verbal stalemate.
No labels.. hell yeah. Of the many I've been given, or I've adopted over the years- Childfree is one that I truly embrace. I exercised my ability to think, to pick and choose. While there are those who would say that at age ten it is impossible to make such a definitive choice- but I did it. For the past 34 years I have continued to make decisions to support that choice. Even now, sterilized and happily married- far from any opportunity to change my mind- I stick to my convictions. When given a chance to share with others that it's a choice to be a parent I will.
I am about as far from perfect as it gets boys, girls and assorted life forms. On most days, my opinion and about $4.00 will buy you a Frappucino at Starbucks. However I am what I am and there is no changing me.
Do I write to seek justification for my choices? To seek confirmation? To seek sympathy? No. I write because I like to write and I believe what I have to share must might help someone else. If it doesn't, at least my typing skills get a work out.
Childfree, or childless? Two words. Well, one word, one mash up of 2 words.
Child.. obvious. Offspring, progeny. We won't go into the terms used by the various factions of the childfree spectrum, but many of you know of which words I speak.
Free- a bit more involved. Dictionary.com lists FORTY NINE different forms of usage for the word free. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/free
In essence.. they are all positive. I have to concede that some of the snark I've read about our choice of terminology now make sense. Have any of you seen the bristling remarks? That defining ourselves as childFREE is an offhand slap in the face aimed at parents. A shadowy implication that they are shackled, burdened, impeded or otherwise enslaved by their choice to reproduce.
Still, I will never accept being referred to as childless. The word less (which now that I think about it is both a word and a suffix) rarely implies anything positive, not to mention liberating.
Sugarless- good for dentists. Fearless- hm, impressive or stupid? I could go on, but why.
As my previous post states, my own definition of childless is clear. People who want, or wanted children- but for whatever reasons cannot have them. This in itself opens the door on another rant that boils down to adoption as a resource in these case- but I won't go there today.
So what else could I call myself? Barren? No not really. I spent years throwing wrenches in the babyworks- finally having them dismantled (yay tubal ligation!). In truth, I mused for years how I would have SO given up my (then) functional parts to someone who wanted to carry and bear their own child. Another door.. fertility, again- discussion tabled .
Since I can't invite every person I encounter into my house to see the things that define me as an overgrown child, I can't allow them access to my mind to relive my experiences babysitting, and dealing with a younger sibling who got away with everything while I was the 'responsible' one. I can't impart the hundreds of other experiences that shape my decision never to bear children or be a parent to any one else's children I am at a verbal stalemate.
No labels.. hell yeah. Of the many I've been given, or I've adopted over the years- Childfree is one that I truly embrace. I exercised my ability to think, to pick and choose. While there are those who would say that at age ten it is impossible to make such a definitive choice- but I did it. For the past 34 years I have continued to make decisions to support that choice. Even now, sterilized and happily married- far from any opportunity to change my mind- I stick to my convictions. When given a chance to share with others that it's a choice to be a parent I will.
I am about as far from perfect as it gets boys, girls and assorted life forms. On most days, my opinion and about $4.00 will buy you a Frappucino at Starbucks. However I am what I am and there is no changing me.
Do I write to seek justification for my choices? To seek confirmation? To seek sympathy? No. I write because I like to write and I believe what I have to share must might help someone else. If it doesn't, at least my typing skills get a work out.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
When It Rains...
For a couple of weeks now I've been hitting on ideas of things to blog about. First it was about learning that Verizon is putting and end to it's low priced unlimited data plan. The news slapped me upside the head because I'm due for a new phone in June and I plan on moving on from my Blackberry to a Droid. Then I realized that this is not the kind of topic that is going to be at all 'universally' meaningful. Heh, I say that as though I have a huge band of blog followers! Craptacular! So that idea has been scrapped- or in the context of this blog, maybe I should say Crapped?
Recently, I've become a bit more active on Twitter. The stream of words from my new 'tweeps' offered inspiration. So I am opening a can whose contents may vary from reader to reader.
I am childfree.. BY CHOICE. Now, before you click away to another page.. please note.
Childfree people, like any demographic in the world come in all shapes and sizes, and our definitions of what it means to be childfree are as diverse as can be. I am personally acquainted with people from all over the childfree spectrum. Those who think that reproduction is killing our planet, those who wanted kids- but due infertility and other issues cannot have them, those who don't want to produce children of their own but aren't opposed to having stepkids.. this list goes on and on.
My own brand? I chose not to have children, I chose not to date anyone with children. I don't want to be a mother or a stepmother or a foster mother. As an 'early articulator' I knew at the age of 10 (yes, I said TEN) I knew that being a parent is something I never wanted any part of.
We all know that society shoves the concept of family down our throats. I am here to tell you that my husband and I are every bit as much a family as the couple with two kids down the street. Family isn't about having children- it is about living, loving and caring for the people you share your life with.
Do any of you assume that my branding myself as childfree makes me a child hater? The grumpy neighbor who refuses to return frisbees and footballs that fly into their yard? The one yelling at people to stay off the lawn? If you do, then you must be without sin, to throw stones so freely.
Now I am no saint, I will freely admit that certain sounds and situations that can only be caused by children are like nails on a blackboard for me. The thing to note here is that almost 100% of the time in such situations, it is not the child who is to blame, but the parents. A child has no control over naptime being skipped in favor of a trip to the mall, no control over being taken into a restaurant this is not geared toward children. A baby certainly has no say in having their diaper changed on a chair in a restaurant.
People have said over the years that those of us without children need to be more compassionate to parents in these situations. That because we have chosen not to have children we have no comprehension of what parents go through and therefore we have no room to complain.
I call bullshit on those suppositions. Any adult (and with 44 years on this planet I think I qualify in that respect) has the ability to comprehend. As individuals we have the right to pick and choose how we respond in various situations.
I am what I call a 'recovering conflict weenie'. I have a history of having problems with conflict. Harsh words and confrontation have no place in my universe. But now instead of making huge efforts to avoid conflict, I work to deal with it. HOWEVER while I may grumble under my breath and shoot death glares when confronted with parents who refuse to actively parent, I would never in a million years say anything.
Instead I live my life knowing the boundaries. If I go to McDonald's, I expect to see and hear children in various stages of noise. Same thing with Disneyland, G-Rated movies and ANY place and/or activities that are geared toward children. Conversely, at a nicer sit down restaurant, a film that is not age appropriate to the child, a museum, any medical/dental provider where there is NO PLAY AREA, and most retail establishments, I expect that kids are either NOT there, or that they are properly attended to so that their actions are appropriate to the location.
This doesn't equate to my expecting zombies, just use some judgment. Waiting for an appointment? If it's for the adult LEAVE THE CHILD AT HOME, if it's absolutely impossible, BRING SOMETHING TO KEEP THEM OCCUPIED, and for the love of all that is deep fried and crispy.. handle it if the child has a meltdown. If there is no way for other patients/patrons to escape the meltdown zone then it is up to the parent to remove the child until things are restored to a more even keel.
Since society is now dictating that basic discipline constitutes child abuse (oh and how I'd like to cram that down the throats of people who raised their kids before this came about who now are the ones to champion 'the rights of the child'), even a single swat can arouse ire in a public place.
Young Children are inquisitive and direct. I once weighed 400 pounds- it wasn't unusual for a child, seeing me in a public place to point out how fat I was. I never faulted the child, as it was often a chance for me to share that yes, I was fat, but that all people are different. What was annoying was to encounter parents who turned a blind eye to an opportunity to teach the child that such comments are not only rude, but that approaching a stranger probably isn't good idea either.
I'm just a large child. I often tell people I'm 44 going on 12- because of this I am still able to identify with the younger set. My husband and I have more than a dozen nieces and nephews between us. Last time I was at Disneyland I held hands and skipped along with my then 6 year old niece. I road the roller coaster with her the 2nd time when her mother needed to lay down on a bench!
My life is happy, I wouldn't change it. My husband and I don't have a lot of money, but when you live life knowing that your happiness in something you can control money doesn't matter.
I think I'll save my thoughts on the workplace and how my childfreedom plays out there for another post.
Judge me if you will. I have had Internet friends that I knew for years drop me like a hot rock when I told them I chose not to have children. I have been snubbed, I have had snotty remarks. I let them slide. Anyone who decides I'm evil because of my choices isn't worth my time. They are the ones missing out. I like to think that perhaps I've even inspired a few folks, as their families grew, to be a bit more conscious about how their kids behave in public. I'm 'auntie' to a number of kids that I have no relation to- and I seriously enjoy being a point of refuge for parents who need a break.
Thanks for reading.
Recently, I've become a bit more active on Twitter. The stream of words from my new 'tweeps' offered inspiration. So I am opening a can whose contents may vary from reader to reader.
I am childfree.. BY CHOICE. Now, before you click away to another page.. please note.
Childfree people, like any demographic in the world come in all shapes and sizes, and our definitions of what it means to be childfree are as diverse as can be. I am personally acquainted with people from all over the childfree spectrum. Those who think that reproduction is killing our planet, those who wanted kids- but due infertility and other issues cannot have them, those who don't want to produce children of their own but aren't opposed to having stepkids.. this list goes on and on.
My own brand? I chose not to have children, I chose not to date anyone with children. I don't want to be a mother or a stepmother or a foster mother. As an 'early articulator' I knew at the age of 10 (yes, I said TEN) I knew that being a parent is something I never wanted any part of.
We all know that society shoves the concept of family down our throats. I am here to tell you that my husband and I are every bit as much a family as the couple with two kids down the street. Family isn't about having children- it is about living, loving and caring for the people you share your life with.
Do any of you assume that my branding myself as childfree makes me a child hater? The grumpy neighbor who refuses to return frisbees and footballs that fly into their yard? The one yelling at people to stay off the lawn? If you do, then you must be without sin, to throw stones so freely.
Now I am no saint, I will freely admit that certain sounds and situations that can only be caused by children are like nails on a blackboard for me. The thing to note here is that almost 100% of the time in such situations, it is not the child who is to blame, but the parents. A child has no control over naptime being skipped in favor of a trip to the mall, no control over being taken into a restaurant this is not geared toward children. A baby certainly has no say in having their diaper changed on a chair in a restaurant.
People have said over the years that those of us without children need to be more compassionate to parents in these situations. That because we have chosen not to have children we have no comprehension of what parents go through and therefore we have no room to complain.
I call bullshit on those suppositions. Any adult (and with 44 years on this planet I think I qualify in that respect) has the ability to comprehend. As individuals we have the right to pick and choose how we respond in various situations.
I am what I call a 'recovering conflict weenie'. I have a history of having problems with conflict. Harsh words and confrontation have no place in my universe. But now instead of making huge efforts to avoid conflict, I work to deal with it. HOWEVER while I may grumble under my breath and shoot death glares when confronted with parents who refuse to actively parent, I would never in a million years say anything.
Instead I live my life knowing the boundaries. If I go to McDonald's, I expect to see and hear children in various stages of noise. Same thing with Disneyland, G-Rated movies and ANY place and/or activities that are geared toward children. Conversely, at a nicer sit down restaurant, a film that is not age appropriate to the child, a museum, any medical/dental provider where there is NO PLAY AREA, and most retail establishments, I expect that kids are either NOT there, or that they are properly attended to so that their actions are appropriate to the location.
This doesn't equate to my expecting zombies, just use some judgment. Waiting for an appointment? If it's for the adult LEAVE THE CHILD AT HOME, if it's absolutely impossible, BRING SOMETHING TO KEEP THEM OCCUPIED, and for the love of all that is deep fried and crispy.. handle it if the child has a meltdown. If there is no way for other patients/patrons to escape the meltdown zone then it is up to the parent to remove the child until things are restored to a more even keel.
Since society is now dictating that basic discipline constitutes child abuse (oh and how I'd like to cram that down the throats of people who raised their kids before this came about who now are the ones to champion 'the rights of the child'), even a single swat can arouse ire in a public place.
Young Children are inquisitive and direct. I once weighed 400 pounds- it wasn't unusual for a child, seeing me in a public place to point out how fat I was. I never faulted the child, as it was often a chance for me to share that yes, I was fat, but that all people are different. What was annoying was to encounter parents who turned a blind eye to an opportunity to teach the child that such comments are not only rude, but that approaching a stranger probably isn't good idea either.
I'm just a large child. I often tell people I'm 44 going on 12- because of this I am still able to identify with the younger set. My husband and I have more than a dozen nieces and nephews between us. Last time I was at Disneyland I held hands and skipped along with my then 6 year old niece. I road the roller coaster with her the 2nd time when her mother needed to lay down on a bench!
My life is happy, I wouldn't change it. My husband and I don't have a lot of money, but when you live life knowing that your happiness in something you can control money doesn't matter.
I think I'll save my thoughts on the workplace and how my childfreedom plays out there for another post.
Judge me if you will. I have had Internet friends that I knew for years drop me like a hot rock when I told them I chose not to have children. I have been snubbed, I have had snotty remarks. I let them slide. Anyone who decides I'm evil because of my choices isn't worth my time. They are the ones missing out. I like to think that perhaps I've even inspired a few folks, as their families grew, to be a bit more conscious about how their kids behave in public. I'm 'auntie' to a number of kids that I have no relation to- and I seriously enjoy being a point of refuge for parents who need a break.
Thanks for reading.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Hindsight- Would You?
The age old question: If you could go back in time, knowing all the things you know now- retaining memory of all the experiences you have had to this point- and do a 'redo' of your life, would you?
I fall into the dream of this once in awhile, just like everyone else. There are certainly times when I wish it was possible- but I stop myself from thinking about it. Why? What's wrong with thinking about it? For me it's summed up in a few lines of lyrics from the musical "Wicked", the song: "I'm Not That Girl"
"Ev'ry so often we long to steal, to the land of what might have been. But that doesn't soften the ache we feel, when reality sets back in"
The solution to the humanistic equation WHO AM IT.. is in fact the total of our experiences. If we could have a 're-do' we would not be who we are, who we were meant to be. We might be thinner, or richer- be the person we wish we could be- but it would be a sham.
This doesn't negate the fact that I do still wish at times for a brief rewind and a second take. Thankfully when I blink a few times and shake my head, I can laugh about the thought, and revisit the reality that making the choices I did, for good or for ill, let's me revel in the uniqueness that is moi.
Deep huh?
I fall into the dream of this once in awhile, just like everyone else. There are certainly times when I wish it was possible- but I stop myself from thinking about it. Why? What's wrong with thinking about it? For me it's summed up in a few lines of lyrics from the musical "Wicked", the song: "I'm Not That Girl"
"Ev'ry so often we long to steal, to the land of what might have been. But that doesn't soften the ache we feel, when reality sets back in"
The solution to the humanistic equation WHO AM IT.. is in fact the total of our experiences. If we could have a 're-do' we would not be who we are, who we were meant to be. We might be thinner, or richer- be the person we wish we could be- but it would be a sham.
This doesn't negate the fact that I do still wish at times for a brief rewind and a second take. Thankfully when I blink a few times and shake my head, I can laugh about the thought, and revisit the reality that making the choices I did, for good or for ill, let's me revel in the uniqueness that is moi.
Deep huh?
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Round & Round
I have been hoping all week that my brain would land on a suitable topic for a blog entry. I was at first disappointed when it didn't seem to- then this morning I remembered that there IS NO POINT to this randomness, so it doesn't matter right?
I describe myself frequently as one whose mental age is 20 years (or more) younger than my physical age. A total rationalization of my refusal to grow up- but with age there are SOME perks.
My attitude, however does not preclude my use of hindsight when dealing with those younger than myself.
I often fuss and fume about the decline of civility in our society. I can't deny that a lot of what I view as a departure, or shift, in values- is actually simply my looking in the 'rearview mirror' as times really DO change.
Good Lord, THAT was a tangle wasn't it? Short formed.. I'm getting older, the values that I grew up being taught are not always in play for the upcoming generations. Check!
I guess all I can do is be me. Keep smiling at strangers, doing the things that I do naturally, hoping that it will cause a chain reaction.
I describe myself frequently as one whose mental age is 20 years (or more) younger than my physical age. A total rationalization of my refusal to grow up- but with age there are SOME perks.
My attitude, however does not preclude my use of hindsight when dealing with those younger than myself.
I often fuss and fume about the decline of civility in our society. I can't deny that a lot of what I view as a departure, or shift, in values- is actually simply my looking in the 'rearview mirror' as times really DO change.
Good Lord, THAT was a tangle wasn't it? Short formed.. I'm getting older, the values that I grew up being taught are not always in play for the upcoming generations. Check!
I guess all I can do is be me. Keep smiling at strangers, doing the things that I do naturally, hoping that it will cause a chain reaction.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
See The Sparkle In The Rain
Again I find my thoughts running toward how a person looks at life. I know that humanity would be unbalanced without pessimists, but since we are a socialized and relatively (?) civilized species, I often wonder.
The phrase "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all" seems to be lacking. Snide remarks, sarcastic barbs.. they are such an accepted part of or day to day language. It's almost like a caustic liquid that continually eats away at the veneer that we learn to coat ourselves with when dealing with other people.
I'm far from being a saint, I struggle with a habit of making snap judgments. I express my road rage, not by tailgating, honking or cutting people off, but by yelling at the drivers (with my windows up.. I AM a recovering conflict weenie after all) for the minor things that irritate me.
If your day has gone to hell in a gilded handbasket even before you make it to the office DO SOMETHING about it before you inflict it on everyone you work with. Remember that it's not the fault of your coworkers it you partied into the night and are coming in hung over, if your kid puked on you just before you left the house or if you found the cornflake box empty when it was time for breakfast. Whatever it takes to adjust your attitude DO IT.
I promise, you're day will improve if you make an effort.. and your coworkers will be infinitely grateful!
The phrase "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all" seems to be lacking. Snide remarks, sarcastic barbs.. they are such an accepted part of or day to day language. It's almost like a caustic liquid that continually eats away at the veneer that we learn to coat ourselves with when dealing with other people.
I'm far from being a saint, I struggle with a habit of making snap judgments. I express my road rage, not by tailgating, honking or cutting people off, but by yelling at the drivers (with my windows up.. I AM a recovering conflict weenie after all) for the minor things that irritate me.
If your day has gone to hell in a gilded handbasket even before you make it to the office DO SOMETHING about it before you inflict it on everyone you work with. Remember that it's not the fault of your coworkers it you partied into the night and are coming in hung over, if your kid puked on you just before you left the house or if you found the cornflake box empty when it was time for breakfast. Whatever it takes to adjust your attitude DO IT.
I promise, you're day will improve if you make an effort.. and your coworkers will be infinitely grateful!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
The Point
Someone asked me the other day: "What's the point of blogging?"
My answer: "There is no spoon, I mean point."
Seriously, this isn't my diary (I do THAT at another site..LOL). I don't have any particular topic that this blathering centers around. I write here for two reasons.. I like to write, and I like to share my thoughts.
Sadly, I truly AM a recovering conflict weenie. I have had issues in the past with what people think of me. It's a daily struggle to let go of that. Life is too short to let your journey be derailed by people who don't know you well enough for you to allow their opinion to matter right?
Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself.
It's human nature for us to judge, glass houses be damned we ALL throw rocks. Even the most Godly person you know is going to have those moments- it is not a response that we are programmed to recognize- and I'm glad. Do we all want to be the same? I know I don't want to be a cookie cutter version of anyone I know.
My general credo in the last few years has been this: "If you're not having fun in life you are doing something wrong". Moving into my mid forties I notice a number of people walk around every day as though there is something rotten perched under their noses. Is it really so very difficult to look at people and smile? I once had a woman go so far as to make a snotty remark to me, to the effect of what are YOU smiling about? C'mon.. someone pissing on your Cheerios doesn't give you carte blanche to trample my mood like Godzilla in Tokyo!
Anyway, now that I've digressed, I'll wrap this up. THERE IS NO POINT TO THIS BLOG.
My meanderings, that's it.
My answer: "There is no spoon, I mean point."
Seriously, this isn't my diary (I do THAT at another site..LOL). I don't have any particular topic that this blathering centers around. I write here for two reasons.. I like to write, and I like to share my thoughts.
Sadly, I truly AM a recovering conflict weenie. I have had issues in the past with what people think of me. It's a daily struggle to let go of that. Life is too short to let your journey be derailed by people who don't know you well enough for you to allow their opinion to matter right?
Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself.
It's human nature for us to judge, glass houses be damned we ALL throw rocks. Even the most Godly person you know is going to have those moments- it is not a response that we are programmed to recognize- and I'm glad. Do we all want to be the same? I know I don't want to be a cookie cutter version of anyone I know.
My general credo in the last few years has been this: "If you're not having fun in life you are doing something wrong". Moving into my mid forties I notice a number of people walk around every day as though there is something rotten perched under their noses. Is it really so very difficult to look at people and smile? I once had a woman go so far as to make a snotty remark to me, to the effect of what are YOU smiling about? C'mon.. someone pissing on your Cheerios doesn't give you carte blanche to trample my mood like Godzilla in Tokyo!
Anyway, now that I've digressed, I'll wrap this up. THERE IS NO POINT TO THIS BLOG.
My meanderings, that's it.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Starbuck Speak
Someone shared with me today the news about the most recent addition at Starbucks.. a 31 ounce beverage cup that will be used for cold drinks- they will call it Trenta. Some have wondered why they chose that over the more correct trentuno.
I know why... think about it.. Starbucks sizes:
Grande
Tall
Vente
Trenta
ALL of those, with the exception of Tall have TWO SYLLABLES.
This makes me think that Trenta is a marketing choice rather than staying with Italian words for sizing. Though why they haven't found a version for Tall is beyond me. Perhaps to not totally turn off Americans who don't like to see all Italian?
The world may never know!
I know why... think about it.. Starbucks sizes:
Grande
Tall
Vente
Trenta
ALL of those, with the exception of Tall have TWO SYLLABLES.
This makes me think that Trenta is a marketing choice rather than staying with Italian words for sizing. Though why they haven't found a version for Tall is beyond me. Perhaps to not totally turn off Americans who don't like to see all Italian?
The world may never know!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Pissitude
We all have things that push our buttons. Things that piss us off for no concrete reason- they JUST DO.
For me many of them stem from things that I consider common courtesy. People who insist on yelling a customer service reps for example. Having worked in customer service for many years I know without a doubt that yelling at the poor soul who happened to greet you, or answer the phone is almost NEVER the way to get your problem resolved.
No one deserves to be made a target, IMHO people who make minimum wage deserve it even less.
I also find that I have a complete incapacity to understand one human being acting rudely towards another in a general social setting. Interpersonal relationships are going to have situations that encourage it, but to scowl at someone who smiles at you and wishes you good morning, to walk around your place of business looking like there is a fresh turd under your nose, to ignore simple courtesies like saying please and thank you- these are concrete proof of the erosion of our society.
Are there bigger things to worry about? Of course there are.. but won't beginning the repair of our society by starting small be easier than leap frogging to the bigger issues?
I like to think it would.
For me many of them stem from things that I consider common courtesy. People who insist on yelling a customer service reps for example. Having worked in customer service for many years I know without a doubt that yelling at the poor soul who happened to greet you, or answer the phone is almost NEVER the way to get your problem resolved.
No one deserves to be made a target, IMHO people who make minimum wage deserve it even less.
I also find that I have a complete incapacity to understand one human being acting rudely towards another in a general social setting. Interpersonal relationships are going to have situations that encourage it, but to scowl at someone who smiles at you and wishes you good morning, to walk around your place of business looking like there is a fresh turd under your nose, to ignore simple courtesies like saying please and thank you- these are concrete proof of the erosion of our society.
Are there bigger things to worry about? Of course there are.. but won't beginning the repair of our society by starting small be easier than leap frogging to the bigger issues?
I like to think it would.
New Territory
Over the years I have seen many medical providers: doctors, nurse practicioners, physicians assistants, tehs of all kinds. One thing I have never done is see a chiropractor. That threshold will be breached today.
I have a bad shoulder. Courtesy of a work related accident in the early 90's, which was compounded by 2 fender benders in following years. I'm used to having trouble when the weather turns cold, and when there is a storm coming. The shoulder tenses up. It's always been just the shoulder.
Within the past few weeks I've been noting an ache in on of my wrists. Since I type for a living, my initial panic was that it may be carpal tunnel syndrome. However after talking with a few folks about it, and doing bit of research I've learned that it may well be related to my shoulder.
I debated going to my boss as starting the process of having it checked out as a work related injury, and that might still happen- however words cannot express how less than thrilled I am at the prospect of a doctors visit, the use of a wrist brace, potential nerve conduction studies and even surgery. So before I jump off THAT cliff I am going to try the chiro.
The bald assed truth is that I'm not sure I believe in the 'science' of chiropractic medicine- though techniques and regulation of the industry have come a long way. From an intellectual standpoint, I realized I have been closed minded about something that helps many people and MANY help me. Whether there is any truth to this, will come to pass. Perhaps I've simply met the people who think that it's normal to go to the chiropractor every time you have an ache and I don't want to become one of those.
I know myself well enough to be certain that isn't going to happen.
I have a bad shoulder. Courtesy of a work related accident in the early 90's, which was compounded by 2 fender benders in following years. I'm used to having trouble when the weather turns cold, and when there is a storm coming. The shoulder tenses up. It's always been just the shoulder.
Within the past few weeks I've been noting an ache in on of my wrists. Since I type for a living, my initial panic was that it may be carpal tunnel syndrome. However after talking with a few folks about it, and doing bit of research I've learned that it may well be related to my shoulder.
I debated going to my boss as starting the process of having it checked out as a work related injury, and that might still happen- however words cannot express how less than thrilled I am at the prospect of a doctors visit, the use of a wrist brace, potential nerve conduction studies and even surgery. So before I jump off THAT cliff I am going to try the chiro.
The bald assed truth is that I'm not sure I believe in the 'science' of chiropractic medicine- though techniques and regulation of the industry have come a long way. From an intellectual standpoint, I realized I have been closed minded about something that helps many people and MANY help me. Whether there is any truth to this, will come to pass. Perhaps I've simply met the people who think that it's normal to go to the chiropractor every time you have an ache and I don't want to become one of those.
I know myself well enough to be certain that isn't going to happen.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Holy Magic Act Batman!
I cannot freaking BELIEVE I started this blog then forgot about it! A lot has gone down since that last post.. but at the end of the human wash cycle.. all is clean and fresh, but not quite new.
Biggest epiphany for me though is being diagnosed with ADHD and dealing with the fallout. From the 'Eureka' moments, when the pieces fall into place when I consider my past history.. to dealing with the naysayers who refuse to believe that I managed to go 40 odd years without anyone figuring it out. I think what burns my ass the most is knowing I'm being judged by people who have never dealt with any kind of medical or emotional(read mental) condition in their lives. People who are utterly convinced that because THEY have never experienced something that it can't possibly be real, and anyone telling you about their experiences is obviously gullible, or stupid or looking for an excuse for being simply fucked up.
I can say this however, I truly AM thankful they my brain is hardwired a little differently than most humans. It is this anomaly that allows for my quirky sense of humor and my innate ability to see things from a different angle.
I am what I am. The crux of this leg of my life's journey is to let go of the incessant worry about what other people are thinking. Despite the way society hones on how we should be like everyone else, the fact is that being willing to color outside the lines and accept ourselves as we are with no apologies is the prize we should all be seeking.
Biggest epiphany for me though is being diagnosed with ADHD and dealing with the fallout. From the 'Eureka' moments, when the pieces fall into place when I consider my past history.. to dealing with the naysayers who refuse to believe that I managed to go 40 odd years without anyone figuring it out. I think what burns my ass the most is knowing I'm being judged by people who have never dealt with any kind of medical or emotional(read mental) condition in their lives. People who are utterly convinced that because THEY have never experienced something that it can't possibly be real, and anyone telling you about their experiences is obviously gullible, or stupid or looking for an excuse for being simply fucked up.
I can say this however, I truly AM thankful they my brain is hardwired a little differently than most humans. It is this anomaly that allows for my quirky sense of humor and my innate ability to see things from a different angle.
I am what I am. The crux of this leg of my life's journey is to let go of the incessant worry about what other people are thinking. Despite the way society hones on how we should be like everyone else, the fact is that being willing to color outside the lines and accept ourselves as we are with no apologies is the prize we should all be seeking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
![http://[URL=http://swagbucks.com/refer/Joscelin][IMG]http://prodegebanners.sitegrip.com/images/swagbucks-120x240Alt7.jpg[/IMG][/URL]](http://[url=http//swagbucks.com/refer/Joscelin%5D%5BIMG%5Dhttp://prodegebanners.sitegrip.com/images/swagbucks-120x240Alt7.jpg%5B/IMG%5D%5B/URL%5D){kind=link}