E Tu, Etymology?

Crikey, I don't think the title of this is exactly right- since etymology is the study of the history of words and their usage. I am actually going to work with suffixes. My last ramblings, and subsequent Tweets amongst my tweeps, got me to thinking.

Childfree, or childless? Two words. Well, one word, one mash up of 2 words.

Child.. obvious. Offspring, progeny. We won't go into the terms used by the various factions of the childfree spectrum, but many of you know of which words I speak.

Free- a bit more involved. Dictionary.com lists FORTY NINE different forms of usage for the word free. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/free

In essence.. they are all positive. I have to concede that some of the snark I've read about our choice of terminology now make sense. Have any of you seen the bristling remarks? That defining ourselves as childFREE is an offhand slap in the face aimed at parents. A shadowy implication that they are shackled, burdened, impeded or otherwise enslaved by their choice to reproduce.

Still, I will never accept being referred to as childless. The word less (which now that I think about it is both a word and a suffix) rarely implies anything positive, not to mention liberating.
Sugarless- good for dentists. Fearless- hm, impressive or stupid? I could go on, but why.

As my previous post states, my own definition of childless is clear. People who want, or wanted children- but for whatever reasons cannot have them. This in itself opens the door on another rant that boils down to adoption as a resource in these case- but I won't go there today.

So what else could I call myself? Barren? No not really. I spent years throwing wrenches in the babyworks- finally having them dismantled (yay tubal ligation!). In truth, I mused for years how I would have SO given up my (then) functional parts to someone who wanted to carry and bear their own child. Another door.. fertility, again- discussion tabled .

Since I can't invite every person I encounter into my house to see the things that define me as an overgrown child, I can't allow them access to my mind to relive my experiences babysitting, and dealing with a younger sibling who got away with everything while I was the 'responsible' one. I can't impart the hundreds of other experiences that shape my decision never to bear children or be a parent to any one else's children I am at a verbal stalemate.

No labels.. hell yeah. Of the many I've been given, or I've adopted over the years- Childfree is one that I truly embrace. I exercised my ability to think, to pick and choose. While there are those who would say that at age ten it is impossible to make such a definitive choice- but I did it. For the past 34 years I have continued to make decisions to support that choice. Even now, sterilized and happily married- far from any opportunity to change my mind- I stick to my convictions. When given a chance to share with others that it's a choice to be a parent I will.

I am about as far from perfect as it gets boys, girls and assorted life forms. On most days, my opinion and about $4.00 will buy you a Frappucino at Starbucks. However I am what I am and there is no changing me.

Do I write to seek justification for my choices? To seek confirmation? To seek sympathy? No. I write because I like to write and I believe what I have to share must might help someone else. If it doesn't, at least my typing skills get a work out.

When It Rains...

For a couple of weeks now I've been hitting on ideas of things to blog about. First it was about learning that Verizon is putting and end to it's low priced unlimited data plan. The news slapped me upside the head because I'm due for a new phone in June and I plan on moving on from my Blackberry to a Droid. Then I realized that this is not the kind of topic that is going to be at all 'universally' meaningful. Heh, I say that as though I have a huge band of blog followers! Craptacular! So that idea has been scrapped- or in the context of this blog, maybe I should say Crapped?

Recently, I've become a bit more active on Twitter. The stream of words from my new 'tweeps' offered inspiration. So I am opening a can whose contents may vary from reader to reader.

I am childfree.. BY CHOICE. Now, before you click away to another page.. please note.
Childfree people, like any demographic in the world come in all shapes and sizes, and our definitions of what it means to be childfree are as diverse as can be. I am personally acquainted with people from all over the childfree spectrum. Those who think that reproduction is killing our planet, those who wanted kids- but due infertility and other issues cannot have them, those who don't want to produce children of their own but aren't opposed to having stepkids.. this list goes on and on.

My own brand? I chose not to have children, I chose not to date anyone with children. I don't want to be a mother or a stepmother or a foster mother. As an 'early articulator' I knew at the age of 10 (yes, I said TEN) I knew that being a parent is something I never wanted any part of.

We all know that society shoves the concept of family down our throats. I am here to tell you that my husband and I are every bit as much a family as the couple with two kids down the street. Family isn't about having children- it is about living, loving and caring for the people you share your life with.

Do any of you assume that my branding myself as childfree makes me a child hater? The grumpy neighbor who refuses to return frisbees and footballs that fly into their yard? The one yelling at people to stay off the lawn? If you do, then you must be without sin, to throw stones so freely.

Now I am no saint, I will freely admit that certain sounds and situations that can only be caused by children are like nails on a blackboard for me. The thing to note here is that almost 100% of the time in such situations, it is not the child who is to blame, but the parents. A child has no control over naptime being skipped in favor of a trip to the mall, no control over being taken into a restaurant this is not geared toward children. A baby certainly has no say in having their diaper changed on a chair in a restaurant.

People have said over the years that those of us without children need to be more compassionate to parents in these situations. That because we have chosen not to have children we have no comprehension of what parents go through and therefore we have no room to complain.

I call bullshit on those suppositions. Any adult (and with 44 years on this planet I think I qualify in that respect) has the ability to comprehend. As individuals we have the right to pick and choose how we respond in various situations.

I am what I call a 'recovering conflict weenie'. I have a history of having problems with conflict. Harsh words and confrontation have no place in my universe. But now instead of making huge efforts to avoid conflict, I work to deal with it. HOWEVER while I may grumble under my breath and shoot death glares when confronted with parents who refuse to actively parent, I would never in a million years say anything.

Instead I live my life knowing the boundaries. If I go to McDonald's, I expect to see and hear children in various stages of noise. Same thing with Disneyland, G-Rated movies and ANY place and/or activities that are geared toward children. Conversely, at a nicer sit down restaurant, a film that is not age appropriate to the child, a museum, any medical/dental provider where there is NO PLAY AREA, and most retail establishments, I expect that kids are either NOT there, or that they are properly attended to so that their actions are appropriate to the location.

This doesn't equate to my expecting zombies, just use some judgment. Waiting for an appointment? If it's for the adult LEAVE THE CHILD AT HOME, if it's absolutely impossible, BRING SOMETHING TO KEEP THEM OCCUPIED, and for the love of all that is deep fried and crispy.. handle it if the child has a meltdown. If there is no way for other patients/patrons to escape the meltdown zone then it is up to the parent to remove the child until things are restored to a more even keel.

Since society is now dictating that basic discipline constitutes child abuse (oh and how I'd like to cram that down the throats of people who raised their kids before this came about who now are the ones to champion 'the rights of the child'), even a single swat can arouse ire in a public place.

Young Children are inquisitive and direct. I once weighed 400 pounds- it wasn't unusual for a child, seeing me in a public place to point out how fat I was. I never faulted the child, as it was often a chance for me to share that yes, I was fat, but that all people are different. What was annoying was to encounter parents who turned a blind eye to an opportunity to teach the child that such comments are not only rude, but that approaching a stranger probably isn't good idea either.

I'm just a large child. I often tell people I'm 44 going on 12- because of this I am still able to identify with the younger set. My husband and I have more than a dozen nieces and nephews between us. Last time I was at Disneyland I held hands and skipped along with my then 6 year old niece. I road the roller coaster with her the 2nd time when her mother needed to lay down on a bench!

My life is happy, I wouldn't change it. My husband and I don't have a lot of money, but when you live life knowing that your happiness in something you can control money doesn't matter.

I think I'll save my thoughts on the workplace and how my childfreedom plays out there for another post.

Judge me if you will. I have had Internet friends that I knew for years drop me like a hot rock when I told them I chose not to have children. I have been snubbed, I have had snotty remarks. I let them slide. Anyone who decides I'm evil because of my choices isn't worth my time. They are the ones missing out. I like to think that perhaps I've even inspired a few folks, as their families grew, to be a bit more conscious about how their kids behave in public. I'm 'auntie' to a number of kids that I have no relation to- and I seriously enjoy being a point of refuge for parents who need a break.

Thanks for reading.