It's true. Sometimes you just have to write about silly shit and metal chickens!

I really must start by saying thanks to my net gal pals Krysti and Laura for turning me on to http://www.thebloggess.com . Jenny writes one mo-fo of a fun one and it helps me to realize that I'm not as fooked up as I seem to be, since there are OTHERS who seem to feel the same way!

In an odd kind of inside out burrito way, I must also lay curses upon the houses of whichever evil online acquaintances of mine turned me on to Pinterest- which seems to be the latest rage in Internet Spawned Crack Habits. (http://www.pinterest.com)

Truly I have the patience of a gnat and it doesn't take much to entice me into a crack habit that just requires a bit of clicky, caption, clicky to allow people into my head. But what the hell, you only live once and if you don't step out and wiggle your naked hiney (figuratively speaking that is) you can miss out on some fun shit.

Fatter of mactly I was just discussing that with some friends earlier today. I told someone, in absolute truth, that I am a recovering doormat and they didn't believe I could ever have been someone cowed into saying yes all the time and letting people walk on me.. but it's true. They wanted to know how did I stop? I haven't stopped 100% and I may never be 'cured'. That's okay because dammit it makes me who I am to have dealt with it, and the fact that I came out the other side.. well most of the way.. appearing as a confident outgoing person who doesn't take any crap .. is a blessing.

All the talk about 'cures' in this day and age just gags me. You know some things don't need to be 'cured'.. just managed. I'll talk about that more in another post.

Today it's about silly shit and metal chickens.

My mom was a chicken collector.. not live chickens mind you, that would be odd (and stinky!) but chicken decor.. for her kitchen. I can't see anything with a chicken on it and NOT think of her (she passed away in 2004). So when I was delving into Jennys' posts in her blog and came across the post about Beyonce, I about fell out of my chair. Not only is Beyonce a chicken, but the way Jenny acquired her, and how she uses the plucky metallic fowl is right from my own playbook!

And SILLY.. well part of that I attribute to one of my managed mental accessories that some scream should be "CURED". My brain is just hardwired a little differently. Besides being pretty much the poster child for optimism, I often view things through a skewed lens (or is that cracked?) that allows for strange but amusing observations. Put the two together and the impetus for this post is defined.

I'm rambling as I often do, but I'll end by sharing one of my personal mantras. I don't care how old you are, or what life has thrown at you. It IS possible to be happy- and happy is not defined the same way for everyone. It IS possible to get older and live without confining yourself (mentally and emotionally) within the cramped tiny box that some think society dictates. There is no law stating that you must cease to find amusement in simple things, cease to sing with the radio, cease dancing in the rain (and many other things) just because you have reached a certain age or station in life. In short: Life is what you make of it.. if you aren't having a good time it's YOUR OWN DAMN fault. Don't play the blame game: "Oh I can't because of (insert preordained life choice here)". ALSO to fall back on a previous line from one of my posts: STOP GIVING A TINKER'S DAMN about what ANYONE else has to say about you and how you choose to live. Most of those people are just jealous because they haven't figured out how to loose the societal shackles that bind them! Now.. GO FORTH AND LAUGH at silly shit!

Because crap, piled high enough WILL run downhill.

So the husband started a new job this week. This is good.. for VERY many reasons, but the change does not come without a bit of craptacularness. The good.. in that he has escaped a psycho micromanager and has thusly regained his ability to smile.. it SO good that it makes the craptacular downflow easier to manage. A bit of a pay cut.. but hell, benefits that are like changing from week old instant coffee to freshly ground and brewed Kona. I lost my car privileges.. one running car=he who has the earlier work schedule gets to drive and the other finds alternate transport. But again, I have a bus stop close to the house and I can be at work fifteen minutes before I have to get cracking, so it a win (whimper) win.

Since life never throw you just ONE craptacular instance at a time.. we also got to spend $300 that we don't have.. on tires for said running vehicle. The revelation of this need was a hysteria inducing trigger for the husband.. but not for me. I'm rather a 'glass half full' girl, and my general mantra is that it can ALWAYS be worse.. so we dealt with it.

The end results come out on the plus side. Happier hubby, safer mode of transport- I call it a win with a few whimper inducing moments- which when it comes right down to it, is amazingly more refreshing than a swift kick in the ass.

Huzzah.

Of Paranormal Poopsticks.. or something like that.

So hell yeah, here I am again. I kind of fell off the face of the earth. I really HATE it when real life interferes with my online activities. I keep looking for the 'opt out' button for real life, but some of the penalties are a bit stiff.

Still here. Still following the childfree scene. Hurrah to Malaysian Airlines for making childfree flight possible. Boo to the chumsuckers at Good Morning America for subjecting the public to the "Octomom" recently. Please can we not give this idiot any more publicity?

Still working, loving my job. Celebrating hubby's escape from the 'Dungeon of Doom' job to one with more possibilities for growth, and a chance to see the sun more than once a day! Gearing up now to compose my manifesto to out the boss who made his life hell for the last year or so (after almost 3 years of treating him with respect and decency. why she went psycho we don't know).
A warning to anyone considering going to work for a branch of a company that outsources services, particularly when the corporate offices are on another coast- unless you are sure the person heading the local operation is actually doing their job, don't do it! Seriously, if the people in the 'eastern states corporate headquarters which shall not be named' had any real presence out here they'd KNOW why this location has such a horrendous turnover rate.

Still paddling furiously to keep an even keel financially. Hubby taking a small pay cut, but it is already SUPREMELY worth it to see him so much happier.

Alright, rambling catch up bullshit post about done. Time to come up with some topics and resume my trek toward regular blogging. Got any questions for me? I can expound.

Double Vision

Time for a trip down one of my cranial pathways. Sit back and relax a bit as I ramble (not rant.. believe me, my rants are not something you want to read- I tend to write them, go away, read them, go away, come back and delete them. Mt Vesuvius is a molten pimple compared to my flash fueled anger and I learned long ago that it's not good to to expose people to that explosive branch of my psyche) about being childfree in the workplace.

A few basic points that have been bandied about ad nauseum:
1. 'Preferential' treatment for parents.
I don't agree that the avenues offered to parents in the workplace are a true perk. In my mind the flexibility they are given is a necessary evil. Kids, like pets, need attention, they need the support of their parents, and they can't be left uncared for, or in the care of others under certain circumstances. The School Nurse shouldn't have to care for a puking kid until the work day ends. A day care provider shouldn't expose other kids in their care to a communicable disease. This concept often wars with my thoughts on how SOME parents make 'babysitters' of things that should not be utilized in that fashion. IE: Libraries, Television, Computers, and endless activities. By all means, if you are going to a movie that your child is too young to attend by themselves, GET A BABYSITTER. If you are going to an event that will last well beyond your child's usual bedtime, GET A BABYSITTER.

However if your child is ill to the point that they are contagious to others, if they are projecting bodily fluid from an orifice - stay home with them! Go get them and take them home if the school or the daycare provider call. If you have another option, a relative or friend who is available and willing to care for them- and you are comfortable with that concept, sure.. stay at work.

Though, like the childfree spectrum, the parental spectrum offers both thoughtful and considerate parents, and those who will use any possible excuse to get away from work, up to exaggerating symptoms.

In my employment history I have experienced a variety of supervisor/manager/boss types. Some who WERE blatantly biased toward parents, and some who were (and are) willing to consider individual needs versus 'do they have kids or not?'.

2. Not EVERYONE in your workplace is willing to worship your children or your pregnancy- nor do they want to be bombarded with anecdotes, photos or refrigerator artwork. Not EVERYONE want to attend baby showers or buy from fundraisers.

I take almost everything my personal sphere if childfreedom in a case by case basis. Hypocritically I am often willing to give a little more slack to people I know and people I interact with on a regular basis. OFTEN but not always. At work I am forced to keep my feelings much closer to my chest- there is nothing at all to be gained by allowing my feelings to be used against me. So while I'll often grumble, you'll never see any grandstanding.

Were I given the chance to dictate, it would be such that your 'parental status' is never a card you can play to get special treatment at work. Or, on the other side... make it so that I can take time of in the name of my pet- for appointments and illness.. just like I would if I had to take a child to the doctor, or take time off while they recover from surgery. In short, let's eliminate the double standard.

E Tu, Etymology?

Crikey, I don't think the title of this is exactly right- since etymology is the study of the history of words and their usage. I am actually going to work with suffixes. My last ramblings, and subsequent Tweets amongst my tweeps, got me to thinking.

Childfree, or childless? Two words. Well, one word, one mash up of 2 words.

Child.. obvious. Offspring, progeny. We won't go into the terms used by the various factions of the childfree spectrum, but many of you know of which words I speak.

Free- a bit more involved. Dictionary.com lists FORTY NINE different forms of usage for the word free. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/free

In essence.. they are all positive. I have to concede that some of the snark I've read about our choice of terminology now make sense. Have any of you seen the bristling remarks? That defining ourselves as childFREE is an offhand slap in the face aimed at parents. A shadowy implication that they are shackled, burdened, impeded or otherwise enslaved by their choice to reproduce.

Still, I will never accept being referred to as childless. The word less (which now that I think about it is both a word and a suffix) rarely implies anything positive, not to mention liberating.
Sugarless- good for dentists. Fearless- hm, impressive or stupid? I could go on, but why.

As my previous post states, my own definition of childless is clear. People who want, or wanted children- but for whatever reasons cannot have them. This in itself opens the door on another rant that boils down to adoption as a resource in these case- but I won't go there today.

So what else could I call myself? Barren? No not really. I spent years throwing wrenches in the babyworks- finally having them dismantled (yay tubal ligation!). In truth, I mused for years how I would have SO given up my (then) functional parts to someone who wanted to carry and bear their own child. Another door.. fertility, again- discussion tabled .

Since I can't invite every person I encounter into my house to see the things that define me as an overgrown child, I can't allow them access to my mind to relive my experiences babysitting, and dealing with a younger sibling who got away with everything while I was the 'responsible' one. I can't impart the hundreds of other experiences that shape my decision never to bear children or be a parent to any one else's children I am at a verbal stalemate.

No labels.. hell yeah. Of the many I've been given, or I've adopted over the years- Childfree is one that I truly embrace. I exercised my ability to think, to pick and choose. While there are those who would say that at age ten it is impossible to make such a definitive choice- but I did it. For the past 34 years I have continued to make decisions to support that choice. Even now, sterilized and happily married- far from any opportunity to change my mind- I stick to my convictions. When given a chance to share with others that it's a choice to be a parent I will.

I am about as far from perfect as it gets boys, girls and assorted life forms. On most days, my opinion and about $4.00 will buy you a Frappucino at Starbucks. However I am what I am and there is no changing me.

Do I write to seek justification for my choices? To seek confirmation? To seek sympathy? No. I write because I like to write and I believe what I have to share must might help someone else. If it doesn't, at least my typing skills get a work out.

When It Rains...

For a couple of weeks now I've been hitting on ideas of things to blog about. First it was about learning that Verizon is putting and end to it's low priced unlimited data plan. The news slapped me upside the head because I'm due for a new phone in June and I plan on moving on from my Blackberry to a Droid. Then I realized that this is not the kind of topic that is going to be at all 'universally' meaningful. Heh, I say that as though I have a huge band of blog followers! Craptacular! So that idea has been scrapped- or in the context of this blog, maybe I should say Crapped?

Recently, I've become a bit more active on Twitter. The stream of words from my new 'tweeps' offered inspiration. So I am opening a can whose contents may vary from reader to reader.

I am childfree.. BY CHOICE. Now, before you click away to another page.. please note.
Childfree people, like any demographic in the world come in all shapes and sizes, and our definitions of what it means to be childfree are as diverse as can be. I am personally acquainted with people from all over the childfree spectrum. Those who think that reproduction is killing our planet, those who wanted kids- but due infertility and other issues cannot have them, those who don't want to produce children of their own but aren't opposed to having stepkids.. this list goes on and on.

My own brand? I chose not to have children, I chose not to date anyone with children. I don't want to be a mother or a stepmother or a foster mother. As an 'early articulator' I knew at the age of 10 (yes, I said TEN) I knew that being a parent is something I never wanted any part of.

We all know that society shoves the concept of family down our throats. I am here to tell you that my husband and I are every bit as much a family as the couple with two kids down the street. Family isn't about having children- it is about living, loving and caring for the people you share your life with.

Do any of you assume that my branding myself as childfree makes me a child hater? The grumpy neighbor who refuses to return frisbees and footballs that fly into their yard? The one yelling at people to stay off the lawn? If you do, then you must be without sin, to throw stones so freely.

Now I am no saint, I will freely admit that certain sounds and situations that can only be caused by children are like nails on a blackboard for me. The thing to note here is that almost 100% of the time in such situations, it is not the child who is to blame, but the parents. A child has no control over naptime being skipped in favor of a trip to the mall, no control over being taken into a restaurant this is not geared toward children. A baby certainly has no say in having their diaper changed on a chair in a restaurant.

People have said over the years that those of us without children need to be more compassionate to parents in these situations. That because we have chosen not to have children we have no comprehension of what parents go through and therefore we have no room to complain.

I call bullshit on those suppositions. Any adult (and with 44 years on this planet I think I qualify in that respect) has the ability to comprehend. As individuals we have the right to pick and choose how we respond in various situations.

I am what I call a 'recovering conflict weenie'. I have a history of having problems with conflict. Harsh words and confrontation have no place in my universe. But now instead of making huge efforts to avoid conflict, I work to deal with it. HOWEVER while I may grumble under my breath and shoot death glares when confronted with parents who refuse to actively parent, I would never in a million years say anything.

Instead I live my life knowing the boundaries. If I go to McDonald's, I expect to see and hear children in various stages of noise. Same thing with Disneyland, G-Rated movies and ANY place and/or activities that are geared toward children. Conversely, at a nicer sit down restaurant, a film that is not age appropriate to the child, a museum, any medical/dental provider where there is NO PLAY AREA, and most retail establishments, I expect that kids are either NOT there, or that they are properly attended to so that their actions are appropriate to the location.

This doesn't equate to my expecting zombies, just use some judgment. Waiting for an appointment? If it's for the adult LEAVE THE CHILD AT HOME, if it's absolutely impossible, BRING SOMETHING TO KEEP THEM OCCUPIED, and for the love of all that is deep fried and crispy.. handle it if the child has a meltdown. If there is no way for other patients/patrons to escape the meltdown zone then it is up to the parent to remove the child until things are restored to a more even keel.

Since society is now dictating that basic discipline constitutes child abuse (oh and how I'd like to cram that down the throats of people who raised their kids before this came about who now are the ones to champion 'the rights of the child'), even a single swat can arouse ire in a public place.

Young Children are inquisitive and direct. I once weighed 400 pounds- it wasn't unusual for a child, seeing me in a public place to point out how fat I was. I never faulted the child, as it was often a chance for me to share that yes, I was fat, but that all people are different. What was annoying was to encounter parents who turned a blind eye to an opportunity to teach the child that such comments are not only rude, but that approaching a stranger probably isn't good idea either.

I'm just a large child. I often tell people I'm 44 going on 12- because of this I am still able to identify with the younger set. My husband and I have more than a dozen nieces and nephews between us. Last time I was at Disneyland I held hands and skipped along with my then 6 year old niece. I road the roller coaster with her the 2nd time when her mother needed to lay down on a bench!

My life is happy, I wouldn't change it. My husband and I don't have a lot of money, but when you live life knowing that your happiness in something you can control money doesn't matter.

I think I'll save my thoughts on the workplace and how my childfreedom plays out there for another post.

Judge me if you will. I have had Internet friends that I knew for years drop me like a hot rock when I told them I chose not to have children. I have been snubbed, I have had snotty remarks. I let them slide. Anyone who decides I'm evil because of my choices isn't worth my time. They are the ones missing out. I like to think that perhaps I've even inspired a few folks, as their families grew, to be a bit more conscious about how their kids behave in public. I'm 'auntie' to a number of kids that I have no relation to- and I seriously enjoy being a point of refuge for parents who need a break.

Thanks for reading.

Hindsight- Would You?

The age old question: If you could go back in time, knowing all the things you know now- retaining memory of all the experiences you have had to this point- and do a 'redo' of your life, would you?

I fall into the dream of this once in awhile, just like everyone else. There are certainly times when I wish it was possible- but I stop myself from thinking about it. Why? What's wrong with thinking about it? For me it's summed up in a few lines of lyrics from the musical "Wicked", the song: "I'm Not That Girl"

"Ev'ry so often we long to steal, to the land of what might have been. But that doesn't soften the ache we feel, when reality sets back in"

The solution to the humanistic equation WHO AM IT.. is in fact the total of our experiences. If we could have a 're-do' we would not be who we are, who we were meant to be. We might be thinner, or richer- be the person we wish we could be- but it would be a sham.

This doesn't negate the fact that I do still wish at times for a brief rewind and a second take. Thankfully when I blink a few times and shake my head, I can laugh about the thought, and revisit the reality that making the choices I did, for good or for ill, let's me revel in the uniqueness that is moi.

Deep huh?